You Might Be In Education If…

By , Saturday, 26th July, 2008

I first saw this when I started teaching many years ago, and over the years have seen a few other versions. Tonight I am collecting them together. If you know of any others, add them into the comments.

You Might Be In Education If…

  1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
  2. You find humour in other people’s stupidity.
  3. You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 9 to 3 and have summers free.”
  4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
  5. You can tell it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
  6. You believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on the report card.
  7. You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.”
  8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
  9. Putting all “A’s” on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
  10. When you mention vegetables, you are not talking about food.
  11. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
  12. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
  13. You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
  14. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in a middle school for at least five years.
  15. You can’t have children because there isn’t any name you can hear that wouldn’t elevate your blood pressure.
  16. You think caffeine should be available to staff in intravenous form.
  17. Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like that?”
  18. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
  19. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
  20. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
  21. You walk into a store and hear the words “It’s Ms/Mr. _________” and know you have been spotted.
  22. You have 25 people that accidentally call you mom/dad at one time or another.
  23. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.
  24. You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and conference period.
  25. You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
  26. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
  27. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
  28. You have an ample supply of ‘seasonal’ clothing (Christmas sweaters, Valentines shirts.)
  29. You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least one thing!
  30. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a “good choice or a bad choice.”
  31. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
  32. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
  33. You take a day off from school, look at the clock and know exactly what the kids should be doing at that moment.
  34. When you can freeze a child to the spot with a single stare… even when you’re on a day out in the park and have never seen the child in your life before!!
  35. When you correct grammar and spelling on menus, other people’s letters, in fact anything written anywhere public.
  36. You have perfected the “evil eye” that can silence a class in two seconds.
  37. You have THAT tone of voice.
  38. You go looking for a pen and the only colour you can find is red!
  39. You know you’re a teacher when you hear any bell go off and you want to urinate!

Know any more??? Add them to the comments….

5 Responses to “You Might Be In Education If…”

  1. […] bit like “You Might Be in Education if…“, but here […]

  2. Mr Gray says:

    40. You can conclusively determine when a child’s bladder is truly full.
    41. You attempt to enter your PIN at the ATM and input your photocopier machine code instead.

  3. Mr Gray says:

    42. Most of the people you call “my kids” aren’t really your children, and most of the people that call you “Mum” or “Dad” aren’t really your children either.

    43. You carry around more keys than a horse has teeth, and you know how many teeth a horse has.

  4. Mr Jarrod says:

    Sorry some thing like 5

Leave a Reply

OfficeFolders theme by Themocracy