MrGray.id.au » Fun

Punny Book Reports

Mr Gray — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 05:20:01 +0000

The Lion Tamer, by Claud Face

Unexpectedly, by Oliver Sudden

How to Cook Pasta, by Al Dente

Secret Meeting Places, by Ron DeVoo

Kindergarten Skills, by Tyrone Laces

The Tightrope Walker, by Betty Falls

Plumbing Basics, by Rufus Leaking

Heartbeats, by Steffi Scope

Interior Decorating, by Curt Enrod

Dull Razor, by Nick Shaving

The Accused, by Watts E. Dunn

How to Play Poker, by Delia Cards

The Open Window, by Eileen Doubt

Under Arrest, by Hank Uft

The Gardener, by Moses Lawn

How to Spot Fakes, by Artie Fishul

Breakfast Recipes, by Chris P. Bacon

The Bouncing Bullet, by Rick O’Shea

Watch the man turn to the side.

Mr Gray — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:59:17 +0000

Stare at this picture carefully and see if you can see him turn to the side.

English is Crazy

Mr Gray — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:54:26 +0000

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’

It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UPthe leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many waysUP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP,

for now my time is UP,

so……..it is time to shut UP!

Now it’s UP to you what you do with this email.

Riddle Me

Mr Gray — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 02:31:00 +0000

Q – What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a hundred years?

A – The letter “m”

Love That Counting

Mr Gray — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:07:06 +0000

Source: Peanuts

Gotta Keep Reading

Mr Gray — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 08:24:09 +0000

This video was created by Ocoee Middle School in the United States (Florida) last December to promote reading. Set to the Black Eyed Peas song I Got A Feeling.

Lyrics:

Gotta Keep Reading
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good
book to read
Ooo hoo
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good
book to read
Pick up that book
And turn the page
You’ll never know
Just what you’ll find
Information
Or Fantasy
Drama and Art
All make you smart!
I know that you’ll have a ball
If you turn off the TV and just read them all
Just think, with a book you’ll be so entertained
OMS has the best readers in F.L.A
Fill up my mind
With non fiction
Let’s get the facts
And use them up
Collaborate
Graduate
Feed your brain
And then we’ll just keep on reading
And reading and reading and reading and reading
And reading and reading
Let’s read it some more
Reading and reading and reading, reading, reading
Keep reading and reading and reading
Gotta Keep Reading
Ooo hoo
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good book to read
Ooo hoo
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good book to read
I got my book!
Do you have yours?
What is the title?
And who’s it by?
Where is it set?
Maybe in Spain?
Is it fiction?
Or is it real?
Will it be happy?
Or maybe sad?
Let’s see what happens
By reading on
Open that book
And have a look
It’s an adventure
So keep on reading that book
********************************

Keep reading and reading and reading and reading
And reading and reading
Let’s read it some more
Read it and read it and read it, read it, read it
And read it and read it and read it, read it, read it, read it
Here we come, here we go we gotta read
(read, read, read)
Easy come, easy go, now we can’t stop
Fill that shelf with those books
Way to the top
Round and round
Read those books
Around the clock
Action, Sci-Fi, Humor, Adventure
Biography, Reality, Mystery and Fantasy
Read, read, read, read, read it up
What ever you like
Read those Sunshine States
Take those Reading Counts
Gotta Keep Reading
Ooo hooo
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good book to read
Ooo hoo
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good book
Cause this book’s gonna be a good good book!
Ohh hoo..

Source: Youtube, Flash Version, MP4 Version

How to make cleaning up fun

Mr Gray — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:11:43 +0000

Perhaps this could work at our schools???? Add some sound effects for when people put rubbish in the bins.

Source: Youtube

Thirteen

Mr Gray — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:48:01 +0000

Did you know????

You can re-arrange the letters of

TWELVE PLUS ONE

to make

ELEVEN PLUS TWO

Image: Flickr by teotwawki

New Word: Defenestrate

Mr Gray — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 08:36:43 +0000

I learnt a new word:

Defenestrate: to throw something or someone out of a window.

Now, in the past I have wanted to defenestrate a photocopier. What have you wanted to defenestrate?

April Fool’s Joke

Mr Gray — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:05:16 +0000

This Maths teacher put a lot of effort into his April Fool’s day joke for his Maths class this year.

Source: Youtube (April Fools: Math Class Shadow) or here.

This one required much more effort than the Joke I sent out to staff at my school via email:

Hi all,
Have been asked by IT to ensure all computers are thoroughly cleaned before the end of term, by clicking on the following link:
http://tinyurl.com/2pzegg
Please do as soon as possible, only takes a few minutes and runs automatically.

If tinyurl is blocked from your location, original site is http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf or download here.

At least a number of staff found it amusing, while some thought it was serious and asked how long it had to run for.