Category: Jokes

Owed to Spell Cheque

By , Wednesday, 18th January, 2012

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It came with my pea sea

It plane lee marques four my revue

Miss steaks aye ken knot sea.

 

Eye ran this poem threw it

Your sure reel glad two no

It’s vary polished in it’s weigh

My chequer tolled me sew.

 

A chequer is a bless sing

It freeze yew lodes of thyme

It helps me awl stiles two reed

 

To rite with care is quite a feet

Of witch won should be proud

Ann wee mussed dew the best wee can

Sew floors are knot aloud.

 

And now bee cause my spelling

is checked with such grate flare

Their are know faults with in my cite

Of nun eye am a wear.

 

Each frays come posed up on my screen

Eye trussed to be a joule

The chequer poured o’er every word

To cheque sum spelling rule.

 

That’s why aye brake in two averse

My righting wants too pleas

Sow now ewe sea wye aye dew prays

Such soft wear for pea seas.

Punny Book Reports

By , Wednesday, 18th January, 2012

The Lion Tamer, by Claud Face

Unexpectedly, by Oliver Sudden

How to Cook Pasta, by Al Dente

Secret Meeting Places, by Ron DeVoo

Kindergarten Skills, by Tyrone Laces

The Tightrope Walker, by Betty Falls

Plumbing Basics, by Rufus Leaking

Heartbeats, by Steffi Scope

Interior Decorating, by Curt Enrod

Dull Razor, by Nick Shaving

The Accused, by Watts E. Dunn

How to Play Poker, by Delia Cards

The Open Window, by Eileen Doubt

Under Arrest, by Hank Uft

The Gardener, by Moses Lawn

How to Spot Fakes, by Artie Fishul

Breakfast Recipes, by Chris P. Bacon

The Bouncing Bullet, by Rick O’Shea

Mistakes in Maths

By , Wednesday, 3rd August, 2011

can be serious….

Does your teacher like you?

By , Saturday, 21st August, 2010

MOTHER: Does your teacher like you?

SON: Like me, she loves me. Just look at all those X’s on my test paper!

A Talking Pig

By , Sunday, 27th June, 2010

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…

‘I think the man would have said – ‘Well, I’ll be damned!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room.

April Fool’s Joke

By , Thursday, 1st April, 2010

This Maths teacher put a lot of effort into his April Fool’s day joke for his Maths class this year.

Source: Youtube (April Fools: Math Class Shadow) or here.

This one required much more effort than the Joke I sent out to staff at my school via email:

Hi all,
Have been asked by IT to ensure all computers are thoroughly cleaned beforeĀ  the end of term, by clicking on the following link:
http://tinyurl.com/2pzegg
Please do as soon as possible, only takes a few minutes and runs automatically.

If tinyurl is blocked from your location, original site is http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf or download here.

At least a number of staff found it amusing, while some thought it was serious and asked how long it had to run for.

You’ve Been Teaching Too Long When You…

By , Saturday, 18th April, 2009

a bit like “You Might Be in Education if…” but here goes.

You’ve Been Teaching Too Long When You…

  1. Think that canteen chocolate bars are “real food”
  2. Know more than five uses for milk cartons.
  3. Sing the school song while ironing!
  4. Think that going to the supermarket is a special trip out.
  5. Start setting homework for yourself.
  6. Call your Principal, ‘darling’.
  7. Records your school’s address on competition forms.
  8. Think that staff meetings are the best fun you’ve had all week.
  9. Cry with joy when your back-to-back photocopying comes out the right way up.

Some Day

By , Saturday, 18th April, 2009

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael; he’s a doctor.'”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s dead.”

Jimmy’s Not Stupid

By , Saturday, 18th April, 2009

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

Little Jimmy stood up, alone.

Mrs. White said, “Jimmy, do you really think you’re stupid?”

“No,” Jimmy said. “But I didn’t want you standing up there alone.”

Remember Me???

By , Monday, 16th February, 2009

One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.
“Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving,” I thought.
Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, “Hello. Remember me? You were my third grade teacher.”

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